i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
