Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
