dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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