WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
