it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
