TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
