This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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