she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
