nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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