I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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