Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
