yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
