Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize