my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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