i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
