Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
