Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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