Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
