i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
