I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
These tits shall not be calmed
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
