Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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