i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
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four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
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if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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