She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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