I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize