i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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