just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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