Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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