he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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