mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
