12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
