ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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