Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
