umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
