His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
