you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
