He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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