you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize