xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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