peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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