how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
