I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
