Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize