You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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