someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize