I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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