No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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