Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My bed smells like the plague
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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