im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
