dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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