after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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