you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
