if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
