I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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