The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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