it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
