How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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