I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
