sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
