can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
