There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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