Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
