I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
